AN INTERVIEW
An Interview
Leaving the newspaper office late one evening, the cops picked me and threatened to charge me for sedition unless I went with them.
‘What have I done?’
‘You are chosen to interview our GMPMRLMASH.’
‘Who?? What??’
‘You’ll see. Now shut up.’ And muffled me with a black hood
The drive took a half hour. The cops led me out, guided me over steps, through rooms. Then they removed the hood. I was in an imperial room, blindingly splendid entrance hall.
‘Where am I?’
‘In the residence beside the new parliament.’
‘But that’s not yet complete.’
‘This is how it will look. The GMPMRLMASH wants a feel of the future in this model.’
‘Who is this GMP..?
‘Shut up.’
Preparing for the interview with the GMPMRLMASH I took out my phone to take a few shots.
‘No one can photograph the GMPMRLMASH.’ future residence. It is VVVV high security.’ And confiscated my phone. They then searched my bag and me and triumphantly removed a pen and a notepad. ‘See, forbidden, weapon of MD, creator of fake news.’
‘But how can I interview the PM without my recorder phone, my pen and pad.’
‘They will provide you with the questions and your answers. This is a photo-op for the GMPMRLMASH to prove to the whole world, the universe that he is a great democratic in granting an interview to the press. How many PMs, Presidents, Dictators grant one-to-one interviews to the press? Tell me.’
‘I need to write down my questions to this GMPMRLMASH..’
‘Unnecessary. You will receive the questions, read them out, and you will receive the answers.’
A door opens onto a magnificent durbar hall. A fat man, resembling a Minister, stepped beside me, half bent over as he shuffled towards the raised platform at the far end. There were many cameras placed around to record the interview.
‘Bend, bend,’ he hissed. ‘You must bend when approaching the.’
‘I have back pain.’ I hissed, ‘…carrying oxygen cylinders.’
‘Do not use that word in front of the GMPMRLMASH. You will end in Kashmir’.
On the dais, in the centre, sat an old man, wise with a long beard, and a peacock perched above him, fanning him with its wings. To his left was a bald man, his head the size of a bowling ball; on the right a woman of indeterminate age or intelligence. To aside, very humble, a bureaucratic person with a sheaf of papers. He approached me, bent, stepped backwards so he did not show his behind to the man on the dais.
He gave me a sheet of paper. ‘Ask your questions to the GMPMRLMASH. He will answer them without hesitation.’
I read out the first. ‘Do you believe your are the greatest leader India has ever had?’ I turned to the babu. ‘I want to ask him what he’s doing about vaccinations and…’
‘Shut up, he will hear you.’ He handed me a slip of paper with one word. “This is his answer, read aloud for the cameras: YES.’
‘The GMPMRLMASH.should answer…’
‘He does not have time, he is a very busy man, preparing for the next elections, meeting two industrialists, grappling with the future giant statues, promoting cow urine cures, hugging foreign leaders in zoom meets and other important matters. Next question and address him.’
‘GMPMRLMASH are you concerned with the numbers of deaths due to the Covid-19?’
I read out the answer. ‘They are fake numbers. No one has died from Covid-19, the opposition have created figures out of thin air.’
The GMPMRLMASH looked past me, misty eyes staring into space, the great man working on the final solution for India.
‘GMPMRLMASH there is a great shortage of O2, and the cylinders. What will you do about that?’
“There is no shortage of O2. It is in the air, lot of O2 which people are not using and wasting money on buying O2. The opposition is spreading such lies, especially two political leaders. The woman is bad.’
‘GMPMRLMASH.’ I admit this is a mouthful but I have to go on. ‘As there is huge money in a private fund, how will you spend that money?’
‘It is for the future city I am planning to build. Delhi is old. We need a brand new capital and that will be built in my home state, starting tomorrow. The people of India will be proud of it and very, very proud of me.’
Before I can continue, the old man with the beard sits up, smiling, laughing, he holds out his arm in an embrace. I believe it is for me.
‘No, no,’ the babu says. ‘It’s a zoom call with the President of Tierra de Fargo. You have to go now. Important discussion’ Ten questions, ten answers. The Minister led me out, walking backwards from the dais.
‘When his residence is completed very soon, the GMPMRLMASH will move in and summon you for a further interview. Do not change a word or you will be arrested for sedition, tax fraud, corruption and other charges.’
‘Before I leave what is GMPMRLMASH.’
‘You don’t know that. See how ignorant you press people are. It stands for Great Man Prime Minister Rulerof the Land Magnificent Achiever Supreme Human.’